Our Conch Republic Nation

This Article relays the ‘Mostly True Story’ behind the beginnings of our Conch Republic MicroNation. Most of the blurbage (my word) has been properly Pirated right from the Conch Republic web site for accuracy! For more Conchiness refer to  www.conchrepublicdayskeywest.com

When the United States Border Patrol set up a check point at the Last Chance Saloon in Florida City effectively cutting off the Florida Keys at the confluence of the only two roads out; Last Chance owner, Skeeter Davis, was immediately on the phone to his old pal Mayor Dennis Wardlow of Key West.

Meanwhile a seventeen mile traffic jam ensued while the Border Patrol stopped every car leaving the Keys supposedly searching for illegal aliens attempting to enter the mainland United States. Residents and visitors attempting to leave the Keys were puzzled about what illegal aliens could be hiding under their front seats, in their glove compartments, and in their trunks. The media starting reporting on the unprecedented action of the Border Patrol in setting up a border checkpoint within the United States itself. As the stories of the traffic jam poured out across the nation and the world, visitors started canceling reservations to come to the  keys. The hotels began to empty, deliveries were delayed or stopped, attractions in the Keys went begging for customers; the Key were paralyzed.

Community leaders started to gather around the Mayor to decide what to do. William E. Smith, Townsend Kieffer, John Magliola, Dennis Bitner, Jimmy Mira, Edwin 0. Swift III, David Paul Horan, and many others were very concerned. The very lifeblood of a budding tourism industry was threatened. Secessionist talk was bubbling up in each discussion. At the urging of Dave Horan, the legal route was chosen as the first alternative. David filed an injunction against the government’s action in Federal Court in Miami. Mayor Wardlow and Ed Swift piled into David’s airplane, and off to court they flew. David argued brilliantly, but the Court essentially refused to enjoin the Border patrol from treating the Keys like a foreign country. Leaving the courthouse the delegation from Key West was met by a gaggle of the world press. “What are you going to do Mr. Mayor they screamed. Ed leaned over and whispered to Dennis, “Tell them we are going to go home and secede!” So…that is exactly what Dennis told them…”We are going to go home and secede”.

Naturally, the press followed Dennis back to Key West.  As the news of the Mayor’s intentions hit the newspapers and the airwaves the community splintered. When the rumor flew that the American flag was to be lowered and the Conch Republic flag raised in its place, a number of people were very upset. The calls came pouring in to the Mayor. A compromise was reached, the American flag would stay. The Conch flag would be raised underneath it.

Meanwhile, federal agents started pouring into town. Very conspicuous in the blue suits, shirt cuff microphone and flesh colored earphones in this island community of Guyabara shirts, cutoffs, and sandals; the federal agents were intimidating in their presence. What would happen? Would everyone involved be arrested? Would the Keys be placed under martial law?

Fear was real. The community was deeply divided. On April 23rd, 1982, Mayor Wardlow surrounded by his loyal cohorts mounted the back of a flatbed truck in Clinton Square in front of the Old Customs building and delivered a Proclamation of Independence to the assembled crowd (including a number of very vocal protesters)

Following the reading of the Proclamation, the new self appointed Prime Minister declared war on the United States, whereupon members of the new government “beat” the federal agents in attendance with stale Cuban bread. The Prime Minister then surrendered and demanded foreign aid from the United States. We are still waiting for the foreign aid.(holding breath)

Thus, the plucky little Conch Republic was born. Amazingly, the United States government, although they immediately removed the roadblock, never bothered to react to the secession. They never sent even the littlest letter informing the Mayor that they objected to the secession…while this was quite funny, you must realize you cannot be a real country…” Nothing, zip, zero, nothing by way of response…

Meanwhile, the Conch Republic continued to celebrate its independence annually in a very public and notorious manner. The flags flew, passports were issued and travelers visas were issued to visitors, the government “functioned” in short, all the trappings of nationhood were observed while the U.S. Government said nada.

In 1990, the powers that be in the tourism industry decided that “Conch Republic Days” would be the annual celebration of our independence and no more would be “Not enough heads-on-beds, they said. This is the largest publicity farce that turned out to be a great economic booster for those that want to stay in the city that ‘seceded where others failed’ during our week long celebration!

It was no wonder…visitors didn’t understand the Conch Republic, and the high price parties at various destination resorts were not affordable to locals beginning to feel the pinch of high costs of housing and practically everything else.

So, into the breach leap the Second Sealord, Fleet Commander, and Owner/Captain of the Conch Republic Navy’s Flagship Schooner WOLF; the venerable Rear Admiral Finbar. Dismayed that our eighth anniversary would go uncelebrated, The Rear Admiral rallied Paul and Evalena Worthington, owners of the Schooner Wharf Bar to the cause and The Conch Republic Independence Celebration was borne.

An excellent three day event was put together. The landmark “Last Tango On Tank Island” party was held. The Republic endured.

In recognition of the efforts, Peter Anderson on behalf of the Republic as coordinator of the event, the then Prime Minister Captain Tony Tarracino appointed a new position: Secretary General of the Conch Republic…our chief bureaucrat, as it were.

As Secretary General armed with letters of introduction, Conch Republic Navy Captain Dean Rollings and Peter Anderson traveled to the Bahamas aboard the NEPENTHE. Amazingly, our newly produced Conch Republic Passports were cleared by Bahamian Customs and the Conch Republic Dignitaries obtained an interview with the Permanent Secretary to the Foreign Minister of the Government of the Bahamas, the Honorable Ms. Mary Sweetnum in February of 1991. True International acceptance was now a reality!

There are lots of versions of this story out there, but this is the one we are choosing to share.  On our Eat, Drink, Discover Tours  ( www.EatDrinkDiscoverKeyWest.com ) there may be more expanding and explanation and sometimes reenacting of these great stories and so many more. The Late Great Raconteur & Prime Minister of The Conch Republic Captain Tony Tarracino often shared this great advice: “Never let a little bit of truth, get in the way of a great story”!

This Article written and approved by Capt. K’Raven.  A Local Key West Authority on Food, Drink and History.

www.EatDrinkDiscoverKeyWest.com